i knew this was going to happen

how did i know that this was going to happen? how did i know i was going to start writing this blog for me and give it up? i think the word "predictable" comes to mind.

looking back at my last post, i realize that it was my first step into 'real' university, into getting crappy marks and even crappier profs, but i know that it did make me feel better, which is why i really need to keep this thing up. even when i don't necessarily have anything particular to vent about.

i've been thinking a lot lately about relationships. i don't necessarily mean romantic ones, but just relationships in general when it comes to me. i've always thought myself incredibly lucky to have close friends and close family, but in the long run i'm not so sure these bonds are as close as i thought. thinking back to my semester thus far, i've barely talked to any of my friends outside of queen's. there are a few people that i keep in touch with randomly, but there is no one that i talk to everyday, no one to whom i feel the need to tell every insignificant detail of my life. and, come to think of it, i don't think i'm that person for anyone anymore either. not a single person has come to visit me in kingston yet, and i've been all over southern ontario, parts of quebec and am going to the states. it makes me wonder if i cherish my friendships more than my friends cherish it. there is nothing wrong with this fact, i mean, i'm lucky to have friends at all, but it's a little disheartening. all of my roommates have had people come to visit them... why not me?

questioning my life as such is a rare occurence for me and i sit here wondering why i've been thinking this way. it may be because i'm soon to enter a new chapter in my life, as we all are, or may simply be because i feel lonely. i know i am not alone, and even though there are always people around, i feel like someone or something's missing. what is it?