seriously hating

i wonder why i decided to take the friggen correspondence class. i knew i wouldn't really have time and knew that i would be distracted, but decided to take it anyway. that was a huge mistake. at this point, i'll have to take it next summer just to improve my mark... which wouldn't be a bad thing because i'm hoping to be in kingston and it would be my second time around.

i've never gotten a mark that low in my whole life. and the thing i don't understand is that it's not like i didn't try. i actually did this one a week before it was due and edited it like three times. i never have that many drafts of anything. i really should take this as a learning experience and take the profs corrections and apply them, but it was basically because my thesis was too general. how was i supposed to know how detailed she wanted it? it's so hard when the prof isn't IN class. i mean, i have no idea what she's like. and i definitely read people.

oh well. my second paper's already in, so i'll hope for the best, but i really need to get my act together for the third paper. now that i have work, everything seems to be interfering with school. i really wanna go white water rafting... but is a class that i'm not doing well in really worth the sacrifice of a chance in a lifetime?

we'll see...

all work and no play

so i noticed that i've been home for like six weeks and haven't done anything. how is that even possible? i mean, i've only had my job for two weeks now, but it seems that between that and my correspondence class, i haven't done anything.

what a thought. i can't believe it.

summer's going to be done before i know it...

who knew one so bored could be so busy?

so i obviously know myself more than i thought i did. i knew i wouldn't keep up with this blog business, but i will seriously attempt to keep on top of things.

last time i blogged, i didn't have a job. surprise! i found one. i didn't realize it would take up the entirety of my being, however. for those of you who don't know, i'm in sales. i sell a pretty good product that basically sells itself, but man is it tough. i'm constantly on the phone (my worst enemy) and driving all over the area to either get rejected, or make a sale but get no leads. i don't know how i'm going to continue this way if i keep hitting dead ends. hopefully i'll be able to pull myself out of this hole.

i finally got to see a couple of my friends that i hadn't seen since before i left for england. it was so good to see them, one in particular... i forget how much i absolutely adore that girl. met some new people on this occasion too. i really need to learn to open up a little, i'm so shy that i'm really getting nowhere. i am getting better, and anyone who knew me years ago can tell you, but i don't know what i'm so afraid of.

in this week of reunions, i also got to see one of my old dance teachers today. i missed her so much. she's such a great person to talk to. i was actually able to get the whole story from her point of view (as opposed to mix-matched biased opinions from others) and got to understand her purpose for leaving and beginning this new life. i'm hoping to plan some sort of get-together with her and some of the girls because i can feel that she really misses dance... like the rest of us.

alright well i'm off to the office, quel surprise. i'm really hoping i'm able to make some appointments tonight so i'm not such a deadbeat salesperson. sheesh. i need to get a life, but i don't even have time for this one...

confessional song

i've been listening to a lot of music lately. not just listening, but really listening to lyrics. charlotte church's "confessional song" really hit me because she's so true to herself. the song describes different confessions that charlotte has about herself. she talks about her smoking, her religion, her dog and other things that prove that she's really thought about herself. and it really got me thinking about different things i would confess to myself, about myself.

trying to plan my birthday has been hell. i don't think i'm going to end up doing anything, just because no one's ever really sure what's happening until the day-of. and that really doesn't work for me. it makes me think about what is true in my life. there were two people that said that they'd be in, no matter what, and even when things conflicted, figured out a way to play a part in my day. everyone else was so conditional. obviously, some people had valid excuses and i respect them for that, but i'm kind of peeved with everyone else. it makes me think about who my true friends are. and the answer is the same as it's always been... which is reassuring. i have close friends that i know will always be there for me.

i went out with a couple of my friends on friday night and has a blast. i forgot how much that lot made me laugh. i'm so comfortable with them and don't have to pretend to be someone i'm not. i can just be. and i absolutely loved it. i met my best friend's boyfriend too and he's really a great guy, which is assuring, because i'm happy she's found someone decent (finally).

this entry is kind of long, so i'll save more pondering for later. more confessions to come.